Wednesday, June 30, 2004
june pictures
FantasyLand Video : Day 4
FROM ROB:First of all, one guy was in the store the whole 11 hours i worked, he had to have sucked at least 6 dicks, including one extremely fat Hawaiian dude.
Anyway, what was really crazy was that around 2 AM a girl came into the store. She looked around at the movies for awhile, then came and asked me for the most rotten, nasty, just fucking filthy porno we have. I said "What do you wanna see? Girl on girl? Sloppy facials, bisexual sodomy???"
She said to me, "What movie do i have to rent to get you in the back? I'm so horny, i wanna watch a movie and jerk off in the back." uhh...What? So i picked out a porno for her. She went in the back. A few minutes later she came out and had this "i wanna fuck you" look on her face.
She said, "I need some paper towels." I thought "There are towels back there." So i went back there and put some more towels in the room. She got in front of me and blocked the door, brushing her big ole' titties against me. I stepped out to buzz a customer in. She stuck her head out of the room and said, "I need a lighter." So i went back with a lighter and she was fucking masturbating - i mean really going at it. It sounded like a boot stuck in mud - but wetter, or the sound of the last sip of soda through a straw - just nasty wet.
"Mhmmm...Should i??" I knew my boss was about to be there to relieve me any minute. "Nah - fuck it, I'm not doing it, the store is filled with condoms but goddamn, this girl could be worse than the little monkey from outbreak."
I went back to the front of the store and put on a cd. Later i went to the back make sure everything was okay (movies still playing, bathroom had paper etc.) Her door was cracked and i saw an old man eating her pussy out. Thank god i didn't pursue that.
I was thinking last night at work...I've been seeing the same people come in during the day, hanging out for hours, hooking up with guys...Don't these people have jobs? I feel like a pimp, and not in the good MTV way.
I tell my boss and coworker about the shit that goes on and they look at the security tapes and laugh their asses off.
you know what's crazy? There is a note that the boss put on the register that says, "Are you aware that this phone is tapped and that you're being taped?"
...And the job just keep getting weirder.
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
from Dismas
I had yahoo play-by-play running for a MLB game
one of the plays was awesome how they worded it
I think it sums up professional sports in a lot of ways
one of the plays was awesome how they worded it
I think it sums up professional sports in a lot of ways
Berroa to second on fielder's indifference.
Maltz - Choooeeee Chu!
Sunday, June 27, 2004
Alaska rocks
FROM ROB:
Alaska clandestine meth lab [methamphetamine] seizures soared. In 1994, there were four lab seizures, and in 2001, there were 844.he also added this image for edification.
FantasyLand Video : Day 3
FROM ROB:I went to pick up my schedule and...
The cops were there, dragging a naked guy out of one of the back booths. I asked the guy who was working what happened. He said a customer had complained that there was someone lying on the floor. So he gloved up (puts on some latex gloves) and headed towards the back, where he eventually saw a man passed out on the floor with dollar bills scattered all around. There were two guys beating off through the holes in the connected rooms - basically a one man strip show. The employee called the cops who came, carried the nudist outside, and gave him a trespassing ticket.
I also got a free toy; a grape-scented vagina that vibrates. Pretty sweet.
The cops were there, dragging a naked guy out of one of the back booths. I asked the guy who was working what happened. He said a customer had complained that there was someone lying on the floor. So he gloved up (puts on some latex gloves) and headed towards the back, where he eventually saw a man passed out on the floor with dollar bills scattered all around. There were two guys beating off through the holes in the connected rooms - basically a one man strip show. The employee called the cops who came, carried the nudist outside, and gave him a trespassing ticket.
I also got a free toy; a grape-scented vagina that vibrates. Pretty sweet.
Saturday, June 26, 2004
FantasyLand Video : Day 2
From Rob: This security gaurd came into the store and was looking around. He's in the store for a few minutes, then this big ass black guy come in, thuggish looking. The black guy asks for change of $5, so i give him change and he goes back to the spanking booths. A minute goes by and he comes walking out and i see behind him a gay porn playing in his booth. He's walking around the store acting weird, the old secruity gaurd kept looking at him, studying him, then the security gaurd goes into the room next to the his. I notice that the black guy is walking back to his booth, he closes the door part way, then it slowly opens up and i see him on his knees sucking off the security guy. About 2 minutes later the security came walking out and headed right for the bathroom.... The black guy stayed in there for another 7 minutes before he walked by me and out of the store.
A hilarious tranny came in today and bought an anal beaded dildo. He looked like bugs bunny in a dress,totally obvious
A hilarious tranny came in today and bought an anal beaded dildo. He looked like bugs bunny in a dress,totally obvious
The Wisdom of Steven Seagal
my wife loves action movies, yes, even those of Steven Seagal - watching "on Deadly Ground," the one set in my home state, the one in which Dismas and I and our classmates mused about trying to be extras, I heard the following lines:
"Shoot me!" "I don't want to dirty my bullets."
"Alaska is a third world country - just one we happen to own."
And the oscar for best screenplay goes to...
"Alaska is a third world country - just one we happen to own."
Cookie Flying
once again Mig the Merciless has started a trend that may one day take over the world. Start with regular cookies, homemade or storebought - add velocity and wind resistance and you have liftoff.
Friday, June 25, 2004
FantasyLand Video : Day 1
FROM ROB:I had crazy ass day at work that would make Larry Flint take a dump in the woods.
I get to work...Go up to the door, they have cameras outside watching your every move, the door is locked, you have to be buzzed in. As i first walked in it was wild...Dildos everywhere, differnt colors, SIZES, shapes...I was like "okay...I'm glad i didn't dress up", i'd have looked like an asshole.
[A female coworker was worried about two men who had been in the back peeping booths] so she bangs on the door, and two sweaty guys come stumbling out of there...All sweaty like Tony Little's workout video (volume 2) . So i'm like "shit..Once it warms up in here it's going to smell like hot penis."
One thing i found really creepy is they have these "realistic" strapons that shoot a liquid...You can buy synthetic jizz in a little packet... Whick kinda looks like a child's lunchable.
Being a 21 year old , i've seen just about every type of porno Ron Jeremy and his hairy chest have to offer...At least so i thought; from blow up pigs, to giant "Fear Factor" dildos, and all the flavored anal lube a young plumber could ever ask for...But yet still my day seems to get more interesting...
An old man comes into the store, mid 60s, he heads right to the gay porn...I mean the most rotten prison films HBO won't even show...I mean there is gay porn then there is that...So i'm studying him, like wow..."Grampa likes dick"...Which for some reason reminded me of junior high gym class...I don't know?? ( Charges pending), anyway...This freak walks over to me and asks me if i know where any gay bars are...I'm like uhh...Try here...Here maybe..What the fuck do i know? Then in a quiet voice he says.."Are you gay?" I said nope! He started to leave, stopped, turned his head and said, "Bi?"
As if that shit wasn't enough to make me wish i'd' taken that job at McDonald's... I have an assload of young high school and college kids coming in to buy boxes and boxes of whippets... They giggle and look around, while two kids proceed to reenact the end scene in "gladiator" with 2 giant dildos...And the name of the dildo said it all - "The Punisher". I thought , "i'm being punished by having to watch this homosexual display of affection."
What's also kind of weird is that the store is open 24 hours a day...It's not like a fucking safeway or walgreens...I've never been in an emergency at 7:30 in the morning where i needed vibrating butt plugs, and glow in the dark cock rings.
I did find alot of humor throughout the day, like how weird guys act...Like guys who come in there and buy dildos...I swear every fucking guy says he's buying it as a "gag" gift..."Yeah right, Bob... You're spending $400 on a 4-foot dildo that takes 3 gallons of unleaded as a joke - okay"
there is a wide variety of porno tapes and DVDs, yet every asshole always asked, "do you have more in the back?" Or "what's in the back?"...Like we're hiding all the elf and magical porn in a secret closet...
Alot of funny stuff though...Like the holes in the booths, they call them "ventilation holes".. But when Bob starts sucking off steve in the other room we kick them out??? Get rid of the hole, put on a Celine Dion cassete tape, light a candle ,and breathe in slowly... Through that incredibly stretched out ass!
I did have one toothless redneck come in and try to bribe me with an 1/8 of weed, in exchange for a box of whippets, i said no, and this look of dissapointment washed over his face. He then walked into the back booths...Day goes by, i order lunch, shit like that. At the end of the day, like 4 hours later, that guy comes walking out of the back booth with his shirt off ,scratched and covered in dirt...Your guess is a good as mine.
allright bro - i'm gonna take off so i can get a beer before work
Thank you, Eddie.
I get to work...Go up to the door, they have cameras outside watching your every move, the door is locked, you have to be buzzed in. As i first walked in it was wild...Dildos everywhere, differnt colors, SIZES, shapes...I was like "okay...I'm glad i didn't dress up", i'd have looked like an asshole.
[A female coworker was worried about two men who had been in the back peeping booths] so she bangs on the door, and two sweaty guys come stumbling out of there...All sweaty like Tony Little's workout video (volume 2) . So i'm like "shit..Once it warms up in here it's going to smell like hot penis."
One thing i found really creepy is they have these "realistic" strapons that shoot a liquid...You can buy synthetic jizz in a little packet... Whick kinda looks like a child's lunchable.
Being a 21 year old , i've seen just about every type of porno Ron Jeremy and his hairy chest have to offer...At least so i thought; from blow up pigs, to giant "Fear Factor" dildos, and all the flavored anal lube a young plumber could ever ask for...But yet still my day seems to get more interesting...
An old man comes into the store, mid 60s, he heads right to the gay porn...I mean the most rotten prison films HBO won't even show...I mean there is gay porn then there is that...So i'm studying him, like wow..."Grampa likes dick"...Which for some reason reminded me of junior high gym class...I don't know?? ( Charges pending), anyway...This freak walks over to me and asks me if i know where any gay bars are...I'm like uhh...Try here...Here maybe..What the fuck do i know? Then in a quiet voice he says.."Are you gay?" I said nope! He started to leave, stopped, turned his head and said, "Bi?"
As if that shit wasn't enough to make me wish i'd' taken that job at McDonald's... I have an assload of young high school and college kids coming in to buy boxes and boxes of whippets... They giggle and look around, while two kids proceed to reenact the end scene in "gladiator" with 2 giant dildos...And the name of the dildo said it all - "The Punisher". I thought , "i'm being punished by having to watch this homosexual display of affection."
What's also kind of weird is that the store is open 24 hours a day...It's not like a fucking safeway or walgreens...I've never been in an emergency at 7:30 in the morning where i needed vibrating butt plugs, and glow in the dark cock rings.
I did find alot of humor throughout the day, like how weird guys act...Like guys who come in there and buy dildos...I swear every fucking guy says he's buying it as a "gag" gift..."Yeah right, Bob... You're spending $400 on a 4-foot dildo that takes 3 gallons of unleaded as a joke - okay"
there is a wide variety of porno tapes and DVDs, yet every asshole always asked, "do you have more in the back?" Or "what's in the back?"...Like we're hiding all the elf and magical porn in a secret closet...
Alot of funny stuff though...Like the holes in the booths, they call them "ventilation holes".. But when Bob starts sucking off steve in the other room we kick them out??? Get rid of the hole, put on a Celine Dion cassete tape, light a candle ,and breathe in slowly... Through that incredibly stretched out ass!
I did have one toothless redneck come in and try to bribe me with an 1/8 of weed, in exchange for a box of whippets, i said no, and this look of dissapointment washed over his face. He then walked into the back booths...Day goes by, i order lunch, shit like that. At the end of the day, like 4 hours later, that guy comes walking out of the back booth with his shirt off ,scratched and covered in dirt...Your guess is a good as mine.
allright bro - i'm gonna take off so i can get a beer before work
Life's expensive lessons
WARNING: Check parking lots VERY CLOSELY before you leave your car there.
Last night friends and I went to see the affable piano troubadour Marc Cohn of "Walking in Memphis" fame. We arrived at the Galaxy Theater in Santa Ana, Calif., and found that the venue parking lot was full.
Since the show was starting soon, we left our cars in a nearby office building/industrial complex/malling of America/suburban blight parking lot, making sure to not hunker down in the "reserved" spots.
We get in and there's a big line for the dinner seating, but we get lucky and sneak up to a private balcony room. Epic. Cohn plays all the hits, rocks out "Dig Down Deep" with particular aplomb, and closes with a plaintive acoustic number as I down my fourth Corona. Good times.
We get out to our cars and ... Oh wait! We DON'T get out to our cars! They've been towed, along with the cars of about 15 other Cohn-heads!
Seems the frayed sign that warns potential perpetators of towing means business. As the other car-owners mill about, barking into their cell phones, one of them the typically tragicomic "you'll be hearing from my attorney" barker, we find out that Medlin's Towing of Westminster has our cars, and if we want them tonight, it'll cost $245.
To make a long story endless, we get the cars about three hours later and find out that Medlin's knows the Galaxy show schedule, arrives on show nights, waits for the inevitable to happen, makes a big sweep of all the offending cars and dumps them in a nearby lot.
Then, when the people plunk down their $245, they individually go back to that lot and tow the cars back to Westminster, which is some 15-20 minutes away.
A helluva scam for Medlin's. A helluva chafe and lesson for me.
Last night friends and I went to see the affable piano troubadour Marc Cohn of "Walking in Memphis" fame. We arrived at the Galaxy Theater in Santa Ana, Calif., and found that the venue parking lot was full.
Since the show was starting soon, we left our cars in a nearby office building/industrial complex/malling of America/suburban blight parking lot, making sure to not hunker down in the "reserved" spots.
We get in and there's a big line for the dinner seating, but we get lucky and sneak up to a private balcony room. Epic. Cohn plays all the hits, rocks out "Dig Down Deep" with particular aplomb, and closes with a plaintive acoustic number as I down my fourth Corona. Good times.
We get out to our cars and ... Oh wait! We DON'T get out to our cars! They've been towed, along with the cars of about 15 other Cohn-heads!
Seems the frayed sign that warns potential perpetators of towing means business. As the other car-owners mill about, barking into their cell phones, one of them the typically tragicomic "you'll be hearing from my attorney" barker, we find out that Medlin's Towing of Westminster has our cars, and if we want them tonight, it'll cost $245.
To make a long story endless, we get the cars about three hours later and find out that Medlin's knows the Galaxy show schedule, arrives on show nights, waits for the inevitable to happen, makes a big sweep of all the offending cars and dumps them in a nearby lot.
Then, when the people plunk down their $245, they individually go back to that lot and tow the cars back to Westminster, which is some 15-20 minutes away.
A helluva scam for Medlin's. A helluva chafe and lesson for me.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
All Rise...
alaskan population dwindling
Someone please call the Darwin Awards before there are none of us left. [via ROB:]
Andrews and Aparezuk were last seen the night of June 16 headed toward the slough carrying a lifejacket. Police have recovered the body of one of two boys from the Slough, according to Alaska State Troopers. Searchers found the body of Hermus Aparezuk, 12, floating in the slough Wednesday morning. Search teams continued to search for 13-year-old Steven Andrews.
AndA man is in satisfactory condition after he drove himself to the emergency room with a 10-inch kitchen knife stuck in his stomach. According to police, Randall Bradbury told doctors that he fell on the knife. It's unclear whether the incident is under investigation.
ROB: he fell on the knife? come on buddy, it's not a dildo up the ass, you can say you got stabbed..it's ok
Pinko Commie Rant
apologies to brother Dismas - this spiel was taken from a conversation in IM yesterday, so the sentences are not composed in paragraph form, and it reads as if he's talking. I thought the rant was clear and cutting enough to share with the world. I've added punctuation and connected some sentences, and removed all the smiling emoticons. OK, there weren't any emoticons.
Can you believe the crap [the FCC] are trying to pull? They are trying to push a bill through that would not only fine the station or network, but also fine the dj/celebrity personally for violations on air - up to 2 or 3 million a fine!
That is total horse crap - howard stern is fuming over this and so are others.
This administration is trying to not let us think for ourselves.
First we have the Patriot Act and its subsequent versions which totally take away a person's rights, and then conservatives are crying that janet jackson's nipple was a sign of the apocalypse, or more fittingly, apocanypse.
Now this crap - it's just gone way too far. Disney wouldn't distribute Michael Moore's flick because it bashed Bush too much and they were scared of the repercussions. If you speak out against the administration, you get hammered. Bush doesn't play fair but he still plays the role of the spoiled brat. If he can't convince everyone that his way is good for the country, he just stomps his feet and forces it in.
When people questioned the war effort. He and his minions call them unpatriotic? Huh? So then he got the result he wanted - many naysayers just kept quiet for a while
that is so gay to try and hide behind the flag or god
he kept trying to make it like we are fighting "evil". That makes us "good"?
I lose track
instead of actually focusing our efforts on afghanistan and the taliban we go into iraq to finish what his daddy started, with no proof or provocation. If there was a proven link that saddam was behind all of it, that's one thing, but just using 9/11 as an excuse to take him down was bad judgement. He just played with our country's emotions through the whole thing. This is becoming a place that i'm not so proud of anymore - it's just really disheartening. We have lost so much credibility internationally , it's ridiculous. Bush garners no respect whatsoever from anyone outside of the US.
What's the frickin point of creating homeland security when there is no way it will be effective until all of the different groups have a better system in place? No one talks to each other or shares intelligence - not FBI, CIA, police - no one.
And all this money put into the homeland security pot, most of it didn't even get to the groups it was intended for.
So some guy with a color chart, is supposed to help us sleep at night?
That's what pisses me off about the pro-Bush faction (like most of your friends).....
If they were to just say: "Yep, he's made some mistakes but I just believe in the guy and I think he can turn it around...."
But most supporters actually are in denial and don't admit to any of his countless mistakes. They actually still are all peachy with the war in iraq and everything else. How can you be okay with everything? We have westerners in the middle east being targeted, taken hostage, and beheaded, and you can actually believe Bush when he says that we are doing such a great job over there?
I have no idea if Kerry will be a savior or if he'll even do a stellar job, but, damn..... We've given this joker 4 years
4 years down a path that our country should never have gone
that's why I'm totally astounded that a lot of your posse can stand by Bush. Look how much air time reagan got, and they cry over the liberal media? Please.
I agree that we should pay our respects to a former president, but, you don't need to shove it down our throats for crying out loud.
GW's strong born-again beliefs totally mark every decision he's made.
I think what is funny is this debate I had with this GW worshiper today. He gave me the same BS about the difference between democrats and republicans
dem. = Big government, more taxes
rep. = Smaller government, lower taxes. "The people know best what to do with their money."
I just laughed
i told him i have no problem with everyone taking home more of their paycheck but if the republicans believe "the people know best what to do with their money," why the hell don't they believe we can use our own minds instead of having this "smaller" government tell us what we should watch, and what we should listen to and how we should think?
Any fool that wants to be the first president to try and amend the constitution with stuff that actually takes rights away from people should just get sent home with the porcelain dalmation and the home game. Game over.
All of that is so crazy, I can't see how all of his followers are willing to go down swinging to defend this guy.
...
That is the biggest and weakest rebuttal "brainwashed by the liberal media."
We wasted millions and millions of dollars to push the republicans' hidden agenda and what did we find out? That clinton cheated on his wife.
Marital infidelity is a really serious thing, but trying to impeach a president for lying about it? Maybe clinton was trying to actually save his wife and family from getting publicly picked and probed in the public's eye. That stuff is a personal matter, total hogwash
man, i could go on and on about this stuff.......
I will definitely be voting in Nov...
That is total horse crap - howard stern is fuming over this and so are others.
This administration is trying to not let us think for ourselves.
First we have the Patriot Act and its subsequent versions which totally take away a person's rights, and then conservatives are crying that janet jackson's nipple was a sign of the apocalypse, or more fittingly, apocanypse.
Now this crap - it's just gone way too far. Disney wouldn't distribute Michael Moore's flick because it bashed Bush too much and they were scared of the repercussions. If you speak out against the administration, you get hammered. Bush doesn't play fair but he still plays the role of the spoiled brat. If he can't convince everyone that his way is good for the country, he just stomps his feet and forces it in.
When people questioned the war effort. He and his minions call them unpatriotic? Huh? So then he got the result he wanted - many naysayers just kept quiet for a while
that is so gay to try and hide behind the flag or god
he kept trying to make it like we are fighting "evil". That makes us "good"?
I lose track
instead of actually focusing our efforts on afghanistan and the taliban we go into iraq to finish what his daddy started, with no proof or provocation. If there was a proven link that saddam was behind all of it, that's one thing, but just using 9/11 as an excuse to take him down was bad judgement. He just played with our country's emotions through the whole thing. This is becoming a place that i'm not so proud of anymore - it's just really disheartening. We have lost so much credibility internationally , it's ridiculous. Bush garners no respect whatsoever from anyone outside of the US.
What's the frickin point of creating homeland security when there is no way it will be effective until all of the different groups have a better system in place? No one talks to each other or shares intelligence - not FBI, CIA, police - no one.
And all this money put into the homeland security pot, most of it didn't even get to the groups it was intended for.
So some guy with a color chart, is supposed to help us sleep at night?
That's what pisses me off about the pro-Bush faction (like most of your friends).....
If they were to just say: "Yep, he's made some mistakes but I just believe in the guy and I think he can turn it around...."
But most supporters actually are in denial and don't admit to any of his countless mistakes. They actually still are all peachy with the war in iraq and everything else. How can you be okay with everything? We have westerners in the middle east being targeted, taken hostage, and beheaded, and you can actually believe Bush when he says that we are doing such a great job over there?
I have no idea if Kerry will be a savior or if he'll even do a stellar job, but, damn..... We've given this joker 4 years
4 years down a path that our country should never have gone
that's why I'm totally astounded that a lot of your posse can stand by Bush. Look how much air time reagan got, and they cry over the liberal media? Please.
I agree that we should pay our respects to a former president, but, you don't need to shove it down our throats for crying out loud.
GW's strong born-again beliefs totally mark every decision he's made.
I think what is funny is this debate I had with this GW worshiper today. He gave me the same BS about the difference between democrats and republicans
dem. = Big government, more taxes
rep. = Smaller government, lower taxes. "The people know best what to do with their money."
I just laughed
i told him i have no problem with everyone taking home more of their paycheck but if the republicans believe "the people know best what to do with their money," why the hell don't they believe we can use our own minds instead of having this "smaller" government tell us what we should watch, and what we should listen to and how we should think?
Any fool that wants to be the first president to try and amend the constitution with stuff that actually takes rights away from people should just get sent home with the porcelain dalmation and the home game. Game over.
All of that is so crazy, I can't see how all of his followers are willing to go down swinging to defend this guy.
...
That is the biggest and weakest rebuttal "brainwashed by the liberal media."
We wasted millions and millions of dollars to push the republicans' hidden agenda and what did we find out? That clinton cheated on his wife.
Marital infidelity is a really serious thing, but trying to impeach a president for lying about it? Maybe clinton was trying to actually save his wife and family from getting publicly picked and probed in the public's eye. That stuff is a personal matter, total hogwash
man, i could go on and on about this stuff.......
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Craigslist - an endless source of entertainment
I Almost Won A Darwin Award
Yes, so I almost won a Darwin Award last night. I say almost
because, as many of you know, you have to die in an incredibly
stupid manner (thereby removing your incredibly stupid genes
from the pool) to win one. Since I am obviously alive, I didn’t
win.
So you may ask, how did this happen?
Saturday, June 19, 2004
oodles of links
no time to break these up - enjoy at your leisure:
• a pair of balds
• they love me too
• is that why I have a gut?
• lemony fresh
• IAMS customer service logs
• corporate mindshare
• treatise on interviewing SW engineers
• online collaborative dictionary
• a pair of balds
• they love me too
• is that why I have a gut?
• lemony fresh
• IAMS customer service logs
• corporate mindshare
• treatise on interviewing SW engineers
• online collaborative dictionary
good vs evil
Neal Pollack writes:
A lunatic Christian cult has the run of the White House and the ear of the president. What do they want? The end of the world. Be afraid.
I'll leave it to you to decide who's good and who's evil.Friday, June 18, 2004
voted most likely to escape from jail
here's a guy i went to middle school with. He once beat me up in front of my father - can you think of anything more humiliating? I just wasn't a violent kid and didn't even fight back - I thought we were friends. One of my defining moments. He later transferred to another high school where he was booted from the basketball team for placing a teammate's toothbrush in his ass. I saw him a few years ago at a bar where he cornered me in the bathroom and we had this exchange.
me: "Hey Rick, how are you man?"
Rick: "I've been saved by the Lord Jesus Christ."
me: "um yeah - that Jesus was a pretty cool dude."
immediately after that I saw him freaking a blow-up sheep on the dance floor. and you think I'm kidding. It therefore gives me great displeasure to relay the following news:Rick: "I've been saved by the Lord Jesus Christ."
me: "um yeah - that Jesus was a pretty cool dude."
3/14/04 RICK MARTIN, 31 of fairbanks was arrested for probation violation after being contacted for an equipment violation.
6-15-04 RICK MARTIN, 32, of fairbanks, failed to return to the North Star Center [jr: maybe a halfway house?] after an appointment. MARTIN was serving his sentence at the north star center for 1st degree vehicle theft. He was arrested for second degree escape and remanded to fairbanks correctional center.
just when you think you know someone...
6-15-04 RICK MARTIN, 32, of fairbanks, failed to return to the North Star Center [jr: maybe a halfway house?] after an appointment. MARTIN was serving his sentence at the north star center for 1st degree vehicle theft. He was arrested for second degree escape and remanded to fairbanks correctional center.
Alaska needs women
my brother is hilarious
who is this freak fooling?
you know what the funny part about that profile is?
the favorite quote:" ABOVE ALL ELSE, TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE " William Shakespeare
LIAR!!!!!!!!!
so when are you two going out?
you know what the funny part about that profile is?
the favorite quote:" ABOVE ALL ELSE, TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE " William Shakespeare
LIAR!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Really, why bother?
When who might be peeing in the pool is the least of your worries.
On the other hand, you could get a cheap thrill if someone inadvertently gropes your junk.
On the other hand, you could get a cheap thrill if someone inadvertently gropes your junk.
Monday, June 14, 2004
more customer service emails
KeepMedia.com is a news / magazine content site - and this is one email they recently received.
Hi friends,i appreciate your services,but was of the
view that if you can work on dating stuff,its what i
would appreciate most.Actually am a Ugandan lady aged
24,and a born-again christian in search of a
born-again christian
man,working,educated,handsome,with a dark
complexion,within a range of 6inches,ready to be
serious and offcourse be a father sometime,mediun
size.Iwill really be greatful if you work in that
range of my sugestion.Thanx please.
still working on "within a range of 6 inches"
view that if you can work on dating stuff,its what i
would appreciate most.Actually am a Ugandan lady aged
24,and a born-again christian in search of a
born-again christian
man,working,educated,handsome,with a dark
complexion,within a range of 6inches,ready to be
serious and offcourse be a father sometime,mediun
size.Iwill really be greatful if you work in that
range of my sugestion.Thanx please.
Sunday, June 13, 2004
alaskan pride part 4
from Robin: comes this story about the new Alaskan economy
Christopher L. Haugen, 21, is in jail at the Fairbanks Correctional Center on $50,000 bail and faces charges of first-degree robbery and third-degree assault
He told troopers that he has seven children and had recently lost his job, according to the court complaint.
7 kids??? he's only 21! --rob
He told troopers that he has seven children and had recently lost his job, according to the court complaint.
Friday, June 11, 2004
my visitors
i have been looking through my web usage logs, trying to see who has been reading this site, who has been linking to my site, and who has been using my images on their site. what I found is pretty amazing.
in just the records from ONE DAY, I found that:
1. a pic of my niece was used on more than one site (one in italy, one in the UK) to express the emotion "GRRR".
2. a pic of me was used on a Dutch shoe fetish site to say "Bleh!" to someone's choice of shoe! (this pic was from my friend Hope Britt's 18th birthday, for anyone who was there and helped me out of that pond.)
3. a pic of mine from China was used on an israeli site to show a pot big enough to cook a giraffe. Part of an answer to the question - is Giraffe kosher?
4. a blog in kuwait seems to be linking to something on my site, but I can't tell what - i can't read arabic (yet.) maybe some Osama paraphernalia pics?
5. a japanese site that seems to be loving the "West-SIDE!" phenomenon using a pic of my buddy Naoki. In fact, that pic is on several sites all over.
6. a pic from a chinese museum was used as the disturbing pic of the day on one message board.
7. another dutch site (do all those fools have computers?) was looking for a pic of the band Offspring and found this.
the word is being spread. And these aren't even my best pics...
in just the records from ONE DAY, I found that:
1. a pic of my niece was used on more than one site (one in italy, one in the UK) to express the emotion "GRRR".
2. a pic of me was used on a Dutch shoe fetish site to say "Bleh!" to someone's choice of shoe! (this pic was from my friend Hope Britt's 18th birthday, for anyone who was there and helped me out of that pond.)
3. a pic of mine from China was used on an israeli site to show a pot big enough to cook a giraffe. Part of an answer to the question - is Giraffe kosher?
4. a blog in kuwait seems to be linking to something on my site, but I can't tell what - i can't read arabic (yet.) maybe some Osama paraphernalia pics?
5. a japanese site that seems to be loving the "West-SIDE!" phenomenon using a pic of my buddy Naoki. In fact, that pic is on several sites all over.
6. a pic from a chinese museum was used as the disturbing pic of the day on one message board.
7. another dutch site (do all those fools have computers?) was looking for a pic of the band Offspring and found this.
the word is being spread. And these aren't even my best pics...
my Migga
My buddy Mig is the coolest cat this side of the Pecos. Besides growing up with "No Doubt," leading the Tiki nation, performing in burlesque shows as a gorilla, he's also been on the Maury Povich show a couple of times. And those are his dullest stories!
LINK to a promo for a rerun of a Maury show starring him. (it aired on Wed) I'm still trying to see the thing.
LINK to a promo for a rerun of a Maury show starring him. (it aired on Wed) I'm still trying to see the thing.
half mast
from MIGGA: this is from my friend in marin and I think this is RAD
so to all of you out there that bag on marin.............
the post office on D st. in san rafael as well as all other federal buildings are closed today due to ronald reagan's death. but the thing this post office decided to do is that in all of their windows they put up signs stating that they were closed in the memory of ray charles. i think that's fantastic! so you see we do some cool shit out here, as for the rest marin you can trash it all you want.........
thank you,
good night
the post office on D st. in san rafael as well as all other federal buildings are closed today due to ronald reagan's death. but the thing this post office decided to do is that in all of their windows they put up signs stating that they were closed in the memory of ray charles. i think that's fantastic! so you see we do some cool shit out here, as for the rest marin you can trash it all you want.........
thank you,
good night
100 worst porn movie titles
true to its word, this site dishes up the titles that would make you put down the video in your hand, walk out from behind the curtain, get in your car, and drive right home, or to church...
11. BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE VAGINA - Kurt Russell should be so lucky ...
44. DEAD MEN DON'T WEAR RUBBERS - You could get AIDS and DIE !!!
47. YOUR QUIM IS MY GYM - Stupid, nonsensical, you are an object to be scorned.
67. HITLER SUCKS - Next time you have sex, when you're close to cumming, think of the Holocaust. Oh yeah, that's it.
12. GOOD ASSTERNOON - I want to see a porno with really amazing dialogue. This won't be it.
8. ULTRA KINKY #79 - BOWLIN' IN HER COLON - Bowling balls and colons, such a pretty image.
how romantic.
44. DEAD MEN DON'T WEAR RUBBERS - You could get AIDS and DIE !!!
47. YOUR QUIM IS MY GYM - Stupid, nonsensical, you are an object to be scorned.
67. HITLER SUCKS - Next time you have sex, when you're close to cumming, think of the Holocaust. Oh yeah, that's it.
12. GOOD ASSTERNOON - I want to see a porno with really amazing dialogue. This won't be it.
8. ULTRA KINKY #79 - BOWLIN' IN HER COLON - Bowling balls and colons, such a pretty image.
the Arcata, CA police blotter
poetry and pilfery in the form of pithy posts and even haikus!
5:13 p.m.
A cacti array
Beckoned at a marketplace
One left, unpaid for.
9:45 a.m. Two persons at the Intermodal Transient Facility lost the vegetation required for a wake-and-bake.
11:38 a.m. Leaving shiny goodies in your unlocked car turns the vehicle into a donation bin for the Sticky Fingered Army.
2:57 p.m. A shirtless man was reported bathing in the Plaza drinking fountain, though technically he was washing his hair.
4:41 p.m. A man reported that a 25-page court transcript from his DUI trial was missing from his room. Hate it when that happens.
8:50 p.m. What sounded like a fight in a downstairs Union Street apartment was a woman suffering an attack of Tourett Syndrome.
9:25 a.m. Sugar in the gas tank? Y’know, some people never really graduate from high school.
8:41 a.m. A rugged outdoorsman set up camp in the bushes beside City Hall, where lots of police officers hang out. Somehow he got a ticket.
1:19 p.m. The day’s sweatshirted-man-screaming-in-the-street quota was fulfilled on J Street.
Friday, May 14 1:30 a.m. Two men voiced objections to Arcata’s demographic makeup in front of a Valley West store. After commenting that there are "too many hippies in town," one of the men did the only logical thing - uprooted decorative foliage from a planter and threw it at a window, then got in his car and drove away. The window didn’t break, the plant was replanted and the hippies still frolic, gambol and reproduce.
I wish all public services were this smart (ass)...
A cacti array
Beckoned at a marketplace
One left, unpaid for.
9:45 a.m. Two persons at the Intermodal Transient Facility lost the vegetation required for a wake-and-bake.
11:38 a.m. Leaving shiny goodies in your unlocked car turns the vehicle into a donation bin for the Sticky Fingered Army.
2:57 p.m. A shirtless man was reported bathing in the Plaza drinking fountain, though technically he was washing his hair.
4:41 p.m. A man reported that a 25-page court transcript from his DUI trial was missing from his room. Hate it when that happens.
8:50 p.m. What sounded like a fight in a downstairs Union Street apartment was a woman suffering an attack of Tourett Syndrome.
9:25 a.m. Sugar in the gas tank? Y’know, some people never really graduate from high school.
8:41 a.m. A rugged outdoorsman set up camp in the bushes beside City Hall, where lots of police officers hang out. Somehow he got a ticket.
1:19 p.m. The day’s sweatshirted-man-screaming-in-the-street quota was fulfilled on J Street.
Friday, May 14 1:30 a.m. Two men voiced objections to Arcata’s demographic makeup in front of a Valley West store. After commenting that there are "too many hippies in town," one of the men did the only logical thing - uprooted decorative foliage from a planter and threw it at a window, then got in his car and drove away. The window didn’t break, the plant was replanted and the hippies still frolic, gambol and reproduce.
Thursday, June 10, 2004
In the name of science
Donating one's body to science sounds like a noble sacrifice, but the reality more often is probably something like this:
SEATTLE — The frozen human head arrived at the laboratory like the others — by courier, double-bagged with dry ice in a foam-lined box marked "perishable."
The researchers thawed the head and anchored its protruding spine in an acrylic mold. They slid a fighter pilot's helmet over the head and tightened the chin strap. With the head wrapped in pantyhose, nobody had to look at the face.
The test — a neck injury study for the Air Force — was about to begin.
...
This head had traveled far.
It belonged to 51-year-old Michael Palmore of Searcy, Ark.
This is the story of his afterlife.
Bush and Zombie Reagan in 2004!
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
The letters you wish you could send ...
I've been a journalist for 13 years and I write for MLB.com, baseball's official website. I sent an innocent email (with an attached resume) to the sports editor at a major newspaper to inquire about possible baseball writing opportunities there.
Here's the response I got:
Since it will not appear on this jackass' desk or in his in-box, I share it with all of you at rahoi.com:
Here's the response I got:
Hi Doug. I'll be perfectly honest: We've received many inquiries from folks at mlb.com about writing opportunities and I've told them all the same thing: I view mlb.com writers as employees of MLB and I would consider them ahead of folks trying to make the transition from regular P.R. back to journalism but behind all other print baseball writers. And right now I have a long line of print folks wanting to work here. I've heard all the arguments about MLB.com's "independence" but coverage of recent controversies makes it clear to me that my position is the correct one. I'm sure there are sports editors who would not agree, but this is how I feel. I wish the best of luck in your search for a writing job.
So I wrote -- and didn't send -- my ideal reply.Since it will not appear on this jackass' desk or in his in-box, I share it with all of you at rahoi.com:
Thanks for your honesty. I'll be perfectly honest with you now.
I am not a flack for MLB, nor am I a PR person. I have a little bit more pride -- and experience -- than that.
I was working in print sports journalism. That's how I started my career. In fact, if you had looked past the words MLB.com in my email or if you had even gotten so far as to look at my resume, you would have noticed that I was at the Oakland Tribune for four years (1995-1999).
Fighting the good fight for the integrity of journalism got me a whopping $29,000 a year to live in the Bay Area after three "raises" in four years, all of which totaled about 88 bucks a week. Before taxes.
I received a 52 percent raise to take an Internet job, NBCOlympics.com, and I worked tirelessly as one of two editors for a 15,000-page web site that required seven-days-a-week, 10-hours-a-day shifts sometimes. I did more work in an average day than copy editors at the Trib would do in two weeks.
That company folded after two years, so I took the only sportswriting job I could get, with MLB.com.
So now I'm on a baseball beat. I travel with other print beat writers. They ask me for advice as much as I ask them. Believe it or not, the Los Angeles Times, of all papers, occasionally uses material I've written and attributes quotes that I get that they're unable to get. The Orange County Register, too. And the Los Angeles Daily News and Riverside Press-Enterprise.
I don't get Marriott points or frequent-flyer miles on airlines. I don't get weekend home games off. I cover at least 30 more games per season than any of the print guys.
I've covered all the national events -- World Series, All-Star Game, etc. I covered the Caribbean Series from the Dominican Republic and broke two stories from there that were all over the papers and radio stations in the United States the next day.
I am friendly with some of the biggest names in the baseball print business. I've earned their respect and I've had many of them tell me that they enjoy the work I do and value the timeliness with which I deliver it.
Since you have no respect for MLB.com and therefore no respect for me, my writing and reporting ability, my contacts, my relationships with players, my experience or my potential, you're probably not even going to read most of this email and you almost certainly won't respond.
That's OK.
My four years in newspapers (Oakland Tribune, 1995-1999, in case you've forgotten) and your email continue to teach me how talent, desire, work ethic and character are so often overlooked or simply ignored in this business.
So thanks again for your honesty, and remember my name. You'll regret that you didn't give me a chance.
I am not a flack for MLB, nor am I a PR person. I have a little bit more pride -- and experience -- than that.
I was working in print sports journalism. That's how I started my career. In fact, if you had looked past the words MLB.com in my email or if you had even gotten so far as to look at my resume, you would have noticed that I was at the Oakland Tribune for four years (1995-1999).
Fighting the good fight for the integrity of journalism got me a whopping $29,000 a year to live in the Bay Area after three "raises" in four years, all of which totaled about 88 bucks a week. Before taxes.
I received a 52 percent raise to take an Internet job, NBCOlympics.com, and I worked tirelessly as one of two editors for a 15,000-page web site that required seven-days-a-week, 10-hours-a-day shifts sometimes. I did more work in an average day than copy editors at the Trib would do in two weeks.
That company folded after two years, so I took the only sportswriting job I could get, with MLB.com.
So now I'm on a baseball beat. I travel with other print beat writers. They ask me for advice as much as I ask them. Believe it or not, the Los Angeles Times, of all papers, occasionally uses material I've written and attributes quotes that I get that they're unable to get. The Orange County Register, too. And the Los Angeles Daily News and Riverside Press-Enterprise.
I don't get Marriott points or frequent-flyer miles on airlines. I don't get weekend home games off. I cover at least 30 more games per season than any of the print guys.
I've covered all the national events -- World Series, All-Star Game, etc. I covered the Caribbean Series from the Dominican Republic and broke two stories from there that were all over the papers and radio stations in the United States the next day.
I am friendly with some of the biggest names in the baseball print business. I've earned their respect and I've had many of them tell me that they enjoy the work I do and value the timeliness with which I deliver it.
Since you have no respect for MLB.com and therefore no respect for me, my writing and reporting ability, my contacts, my relationships with players, my experience or my potential, you're probably not even going to read most of this email and you almost certainly won't respond.
That's OK.
My four years in newspapers (Oakland Tribune, 1995-1999, in case you've forgotten) and your email continue to teach me how talent, desire, work ethic and character are so often overlooked or simply ignored in this business.
So thanks again for your honesty, and remember my name. You'll regret that you didn't give me a chance.
log sifting
this site amazingly got well over 200,000 hits last month, some of which were automated programs cataloguing the web. Others were friends, family, and readers. Still others were strange people stumbling onto this site after searching for something. Here are the top search strings that brought people here - yeah I'm confused, too...
massage
naked girl
sex toys
flasher
monkeys
disney sex
goldfish
elaine
polar bear
sex
tattoos
hong kong
see through
snakes
see-through
fairbanks
bodybuilder
golf humor
simpsons cast
birds
still thinking about "Disney Sex." I need to watch "Song of the South" again.
naked girl
sex toys
flasher
monkeys
disney sex
goldfish
elaine
polar bear
sex
tattoos
hong kong
see through
snakes
see-through
fairbanks
bodybuilder
golf humor
simpsons cast
birds
spam that helps, and spam that kills
from MIGGA:
Okay, regardless of whether this is real or fake, that’s what we [KeepMedia.com] get for sending out an email called “Featured topic: Depression”.
Email from a customer:
ok so i am really depressed about life in general. i have tried to commit suicide more than once. i have meds that don't work for me. i have counseling that does nothing for me. and i have tried everything and nothing works. can you suggest a med that works and will make me happy again please. please hurry i don't know how much longer i can keep all of this up.....
Sincerely
how do you respond to that? "Dear sir or ma'am, thank you for your interest in KeepMedia...?"
Email from a customer:
ok so i am really depressed about life in general. i have tried to commit suicide more than once. i have meds that don't work for me. i have counseling that does nothing for me. and i have tried everything and nothing works. can you suggest a med that works and will make me happy again please. please hurry i don't know how much longer i can keep all of this up.....
Sincerely
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
These are the thoughts that kept me outta the really good schools...
My buddy Enrique in the Dominican Republic is one of the funniest guys on earth. The following IM conversation comes on the heels of Enrique telling me that he was thinking about quitting journalism to become a "saltipanky", basically Spanish for a "port rat." Enrique said that in his new job as a port rat he would have sex with anyone or anything, including snakes, as long as they paid him. The following is a translated IM conversation I had with Enrique this morning about a possible, new business venture.
CM: Hey, dude, I was thinking: How in the world, in your new job, are you going to have sex with snakes?
ER: I don't konw, but I'm researching it right now. I don't know how snakes screw, but they haven't gone extinct so that's proof that the can screw.
CM: Sure, they can screw amongst themselves. But, do you think they can screw humans? Hey, when you find out if they can will you let me know? How about we form a company together?
ER: Sure. A services company with "special" services for degenerates.
CM: Exactly. We could arrange our menu by desires: Dudes that prefer rattlesnakes, those that prefer cobras, boas, African snakes, South American snakes.
ER: The Diamondback will be the most asked for item on our menu.
CM: Absolutely. Think we should go with that as our house specialty?
ER: Yeah. Diamondback Ass
CM: Sure. Boa Bush
ER: We would earn a fortune with something like that here in the Dominican. We'll have all sorts of chicks around, like those at Eagle (Dominican version of Hooters.)
CM: You think offering free feathers for tickling the snakes is a pretty good incentive?
ER: Sure. And, instead of condoms, we'll have a stash of anti-venom on hand. Courtesy of the house of course.
CM: lol...We just have it stored up in the back.
our new venture
Please help me celebrate the launch of our new business, LatinoJerseys.com
We are selling premium baseball jerseys from national and professional teams of Latin American countries, starting with the Dominican Republic. We are the only distributors of these authentic uniforms worn by legions of current and past MLB stars like Sammy Sosa, Miguel Tejada, Alex Rodriguez, Pedro Martinez, Alfonso Soriano, Roberto Clemente, Tony Peña and countless others.
The jerseys are extremely high quality, made to the same specs, with the same materials, and by the same people that make the official team jerseys in each country.
Please take the time to visit and tell a friend or two about it! Muchas Gracias Amigos!
We are selling premium baseball jerseys from national and professional teams of Latin American countries, starting with the Dominican Republic. We are the only distributors of these authentic uniforms worn by legions of current and past MLB stars like Sammy Sosa, Miguel Tejada, Alex Rodriguez, Pedro Martinez, Alfonso Soriano, Roberto Clemente, Tony Peña and countless others.
The jerseys are extremely high quality, made to the same specs, with the same materials, and by the same people that make the official team jerseys in each country.
Please take the time to visit and tell a friend or two about it! Muchas Gracias Amigos!
Just when you think your job is bad....
I had the following IM conversation recently with a buddy of mine in the Dominican Republic. He'd had a tough morning dealing with a major corporation that doesn't seem to ever pay on time. For those of us in the journalism and media business, that is a very, very common theme. Well, Enrique had had enough and was ready to pursue other career opportunities. The following is the translated conversation.
ER: I'm leaving my journalism jobs and I'm going to the beach to be a "saltipanky", one of those guys that has sex with men or women. Hey, they pay those people immediatetly. That's more than I can say for some of my employers right now. And, these guys get paid a lot. And, in Euros and Dollars.
CM: I've never heard about those kinds of people just hanging out around Dominican beaches.
ER: Yeah, they are "port rats."
CM: So, you're gonna have sex with dudes? You truly are gay.
ER: With men, women, dogs, cats, snakes, rats. I'll have sex with them all. I don't care. They'll all pay me more than journalism.
CM: Wouldn't it be hard to have sex with snakes?
ER: Don't care because I can guarantee they pay better than some of the crap I've done recently.
CM: I've never heard about those kinds of people just hanging out around Dominican beaches.
ER: Yeah, they are "port rats."
CM: So, you're gonna have sex with dudes? You truly are gay.
ER: With men, women, dogs, cats, snakes, rats. I'll have sex with them all. I don't care. They'll all pay me more than journalism.
CM: Wouldn't it be hard to have sex with snakes?
ER: Don't care because I can guarantee they pay better than some of the crap I've done recently.
Monday, June 07, 2004
Brandon Bird - my favorites
While I respect Jon's choices below when it comes to Brandon Bird's artwork, for me, it begins and ends with Bea Arthur wrestling a velociraptor. In the words of Keats, that is "all ye need to know."
Oh, this is also quite awesome.
Oh, this is also quite awesome.
breaking the ice
okay, since no one wants to follow up that last post with a story on dogshit or freaky japanese porn, I'll break it up with two of my favorite recent works of art, maybe of all time...
but wait - there's more
but wait - there's more
Friday, June 04, 2004
on the evasion of grief
from Sandy:
I sometimes come across some pretty amazing situations in my job and thought I'd share this one with you. I recently got a letter from a woman I counseled four years ago during the events of her unfortunate pregnancy (abnormal). She had an induction after which she refused to look at the baby, hold it or even acknowledge it. (We recommend this, encourage it even -- to hold and say good-bye to the baby if patients terminate by induction --however traumatic). As standard practice, the hospital makes a "memory packet" for the family (pictures of the dead baby, hospital tags and footprints). She didn't want any of it, and left them for the hospital to dispose of upon her discharge. I picked up the packet for safe keeping, thinking that she might want them eventually. I didn't think it would take four years.
So I get a phone call from an OB asking if I perhaps had any pictures of this woman's baby. This woman had already moved back to England, had two other children and after a couple years, sent a very compelling letter to her former doctor here. She had sent for all her old medical records from her first pregnancy and until she read through them, never even knew the sex of that baby! She described feeling an intense loss and overwhelming feelings of regret for not having even looked at her baby; these thoughts had obviously haunted her through the years. She wrote, "it is something I will regret for the rest of my life," and about "needing something, a picture, something of the baby...that it would [kill] her to know that something was available and she couldn't have it." The OB department scrambled as they were all very touched by this desperate letter. It was still in her genetic chart in our department, tucked away, so I sent her the contents of her memory packet. Mind you, the pictures are really quite disturbing, but hopefully they will give her peace.
So strange -- life and human nature and all the twists and turns. Made me wonder how much people are carrying around with them, you know?
more than we let on, that's for sure...
So I get a phone call from an OB asking if I perhaps had any pictures of this woman's baby. This woman had already moved back to England, had two other children and after a couple years, sent a very compelling letter to her former doctor here. She had sent for all her old medical records from her first pregnancy and until she read through them, never even knew the sex of that baby! She described feeling an intense loss and overwhelming feelings of regret for not having even looked at her baby; these thoughts had obviously haunted her through the years. She wrote, "it is something I will regret for the rest of my life," and about "needing something, a picture, something of the baby...that it would [kill] her to know that something was available and she couldn't have it." The OB department scrambled as they were all very touched by this desperate letter. It was still in her genetic chart in our department, tucked away, so I sent her the contents of her memory packet. Mind you, the pictures are really quite disturbing, but hopefully they will give her peace.
So strange -- life and human nature and all the twists and turns. Made me wonder how much people are carrying around with them, you know?
he must smell your dog...
hard-hitting story on the new divas of porn
"Unlike humans, you can't put a condom on the dogs because they hate 'em."
Even when dogs are ready to perform, it's not always that easy.
"Dogs' lives are shortened if they ejaculate too much. Labradors generally live for about 10 years, but if they've appeared in adult videos, their lifespan is generally halved," a canine talent agency source tells Tokusatsu Shinsengumi. "It seems dogs don't like being made to ejaculate when they're not on heat. That's why we insist that a dog can ejaculate only once per day while shooting an adult movie."
cut in HALF? seems fair...
Even when dogs are ready to perform, it's not always that easy.
"Dogs' lives are shortened if they ejaculate too much. Labradors generally live for about 10 years, but if they've appeared in adult videos, their lifespan is generally halved," a canine talent agency source tells Tokusatsu Shinsengumi. "It seems dogs don't like being made to ejaculate when they're not on heat. That's why we insist that a dog can ejaculate only once per day while shooting an adult movie."
"Don't bug mommy when she's working"
Take your child to work day gone horribly, horribly wrong.
Knock, knock. Moo's there?
LONDON (Reuters) - British artist Damien Hirst, who uses dead animals in his work, promised to apologize for a "mix-up" Thursday, after a rotting cow was left outside his studio over a long holiday weekend.
Inspectors visited the studio in Gloucestershire, southwest England over the weekend and took the putrid remains of an animal away to incinerate them, after neighbors complained of a horrible smell.
What a wonderful smell you've discovered.Inspectors visited the studio in Gloucestershire, southwest England over the weekend and took the putrid remains of an animal away to incinerate them, after neighbors complained of a horrible smell.
A spokeswoman at Hirst's studio confirmed that the remains were those of a dead cow.
"It was at the rear of the studio in a plastic-contained bin," she said.
I bet he was the life of the tupperware party."It was at the rear of the studio in a plastic-contained bin," she said.
"It's a communication mix-up between the contractor who was collecting it and a member of staff. So it was left over the bank holiday weekend, which was very unfortunate."
She said Hirst planned to apologize for leaving the dead animal out. She would not say what the artist had used it for.
The artist won Britain's Turner Prize in 1995 for "Mother and Child, Divided," which featured an adult cow and a baby calf, each split in half, pickled in formaldehyde and displayed in glass tanks. Local authorities in Gloucestershire said they were investigating to see whether any regulations were broken when the animal was left in the street.
Gotta have more cowbell.
She said Hirst planned to apologize for leaving the dead animal out. She would not say what the artist had used it for.
The artist won Britain's Turner Prize in 1995 for "Mother and Child, Divided," which featured an adult cow and a baby calf, each split in half, pickled in formaldehyde and displayed in glass tanks. Local authorities in Gloucestershire said they were investigating to see whether any regulations were broken when the animal was left in the street.
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Spreading the Turd of Dog - Preach On.......
PORTLAND, Maine - A Portland woman accused of spreading dog feces at Deering Oaks Park as part of a vendetta against its weekly farmer's market has been banned from the park and charged with criminal mischief.
Lora Leland, 53, was caught early Saturday emptying 16 bags of dog feces in the road that winds through the center of the park, police said. She explained that she was angry at the Saturday morning farmer's market because it interfered with her ability to ride her bicycle through the park, police said.
Interfering with her ability to ride through the park? The 16 steaming piles of dog crap thrown on the bike path every Saturday would have nothing to do with that now, would it? NAH. Lora Leland, 53, was caught early Saturday emptying 16 bags of dog feces in the road that winds through the center of the park, police said. She explained that she was angry at the Saturday morning farmer's market because it interfered with her ability to ride her bicycle through the park, police said.
Farmers who arrived to the mess every Saturday for the better part of two summers were elated at the news of the arrest.
"When the farmers came in to set up, they just had to clean up the whole road," said officer Dan Knight, who staked out the park with a fellow officer Friday night into Saturday in an effort to apprehend the culprit.
I guess we know who pulled the shortest straw."When the farmers came in to set up, they just had to clean up the whole road," said officer Dan Knight, who staked out the park with a fellow officer Friday night into Saturday in an effort to apprehend the culprit.
At 3:30 a.m. Saturday, the officers spotted a woman walking a miniature German shepherd down the middle of the park's interior road. The woman was reaching into a large plastic shopping bag, removing 16 smaller bags which she would open and then dump the contents onto the roadway, Knight said.
A large plastic bag with 16 smaller bags of canine fecal matter? An anal retentive fecal freak. What is this world coming to?Confronted by the officers, Leland said she was angry at the farmer's market.
"She told us that she doesn't like that they take up that whole road because she can't ride her bike there," Knight said.
The woman said she would collect the small baggies with dog feces from city garbage cans over the course of the preceding week as well as stockpile it from her own dog, then spread it to disrupt the market, police said.
"There was some old stuff, like it's been in the trash for a while and a fair amount of fresh stuff," Knight said. "Sixteen bags in all."
Leland, who could not be reached for comment, faces a misdemeanor charge of criminal mischief and has been served a criminal trespass order barring her from the park for a year. If found guilty, she faces up to a year in jail, though authorities say a fine is more likely.
The cops finally put an end to the smear campaign. Justice has been served. It still makes you wonder what court case set this legal precedent where you could get up to a year in jail for Spreading the Turd of Dog.
"She told us that she doesn't like that they take up that whole road because she can't ride her bike there," Knight said.
The woman said she would collect the small baggies with dog feces from city garbage cans over the course of the preceding week as well as stockpile it from her own dog, then spread it to disrupt the market, police said.
"There was some old stuff, like it's been in the trash for a while and a fair amount of fresh stuff," Knight said. "Sixteen bags in all."
Leland, who could not be reached for comment, faces a misdemeanor charge of criminal mischief and has been served a criminal trespass order barring her from the park for a year. If found guilty, she faces up to a year in jail, though authorities say a fine is more likely.
Patriotic Whores
When people talk about supporting the troops, is this really what they have in mind? What, if you don't screw as many military personnel as possible, the terrorists win?
Mission Statement: To discretely provide US troops shipping out overseas with the most sensually pleasing departure possible.
About US: 'Operation Take One For The Country' (abbreviated OTOFTC) is a movement of like-minded women (women predominantly as of right now) who have covertly organized into groups to frequent eating and drinking establishments near armed service bases where troops are preparing to ship out overseas, and take one for the country, so to speak.
Let's just hire monkeys...
We've had some storms in the Dallas area the last two nights that have knocked down some trees and put some trees in the streets. However, there has been no big hail, nothing major that has the Weather Channel putting people on planes to Dallas. One of the services the storm supposedly affected was my Comcast cable internet service. I call at 11 pm last night and get a really nice guy on the phone. He doesn't fix my problem or tell me when it might be fixed, but he was nice and did some troubleshooting with me. I appreciated that. Then, I called about 30 minutes ago to see what was happening. That's when I ran into a dude that caused me to just finish a letter to their corporate office. The following is a snipet from that letter:
me: i'm having connection issues. i get on, i get kicked off. i get on, visit one page i get kicked off.
smart ass: you in dallas?
me: yeah, i'm in dallas
smart ass: well, you and the other half-million people in dallas are having problems. you're having storms right now.
me: dude, it's sunny and 85 right now. i'm outside in my shorts, drinking iced tea and trying to surf the net on my wireless. i don't know where you are, but you're either in a different dallas than me or just don't know what you're talking about.
smart ass: did you have storms last night?
me: yeah, but they weren't like the 1903 galveston hurricane, man.
smart ass: and you're going to have them again tonight.
me: well, what does that have to do with my service being out right now?
smart ass: that means power is out. we have every truck out doing repairs and there will be more damage tonight because there are more storms headed your way.
me: i didn't realize i called the weather channel. i thought i called comcast to get an update on when this problem might be fixed. it's a major hassle.
smart ass: we aren't even beginning to guess. it's not like we can invent trucks and put them on the street.
me: listen, dude, you're sitting in some call center lecturing me on what my weather is like when i'm freaking sitting outside in that weather and then telling me you're not sure when i can get something i'm paying for. that's a shitty answer and your shitty attitude just got me transferred to your supervisor to report it. thank you.
after talking with the supervisor things are really cleared up. that apology she gave me really helped. and that inconvenience they're sorry they caused me makes up for the day i've lost…smart ass: you in dallas?
me: yeah, i'm in dallas
smart ass: well, you and the other half-million people in dallas are having problems. you're having storms right now.
me: dude, it's sunny and 85 right now. i'm outside in my shorts, drinking iced tea and trying to surf the net on my wireless. i don't know where you are, but you're either in a different dallas than me or just don't know what you're talking about.
smart ass: did you have storms last night?
me: yeah, but they weren't like the 1903 galveston hurricane, man.
smart ass: and you're going to have them again tonight.
me: well, what does that have to do with my service being out right now?
smart ass: that means power is out. we have every truck out doing repairs and there will be more damage tonight because there are more storms headed your way.
me: i didn't realize i called the weather channel. i thought i called comcast to get an update on when this problem might be fixed. it's a major hassle.
smart ass: we aren't even beginning to guess. it's not like we can invent trucks and put them on the street.
me: listen, dude, you're sitting in some call center lecturing me on what my weather is like when i'm freaking sitting outside in that weather and then telling me you're not sure when i can get something i'm paying for. that's a shitty answer and your shitty attitude just got me transferred to your supervisor to report it. thank you.
lady: i am sorry about your experience. the agent is having a long day with heavier than normal call volume.
me: sweetheart, a tough day is busting your ass on top of a roof all day in the texas heat. that dude was not having a tough day. he was just being an asshole.
lady: i'm sorry you feel that way.
me: look, i just want the service back as soon as possible just like everyone else. i'm frustrated about it and i expected to get some help with my issue like i did last night when i called and got in contact with a very nice representative who walked me through a myriad of possibilities. i didn't need some jerk treating my like i had just farted in church.
lady: i understand.
me: no you don't or assholes wouldn't be on the phones taking customer service calls. you need to take a hard look inside at your operation. goodbye.
me: sweetheart, a tough day is busting your ass on top of a roof all day in the texas heat. that dude was not having a tough day. he was just being an asshole.
lady: i'm sorry you feel that way.
me: look, i just want the service back as soon as possible just like everyone else. i'm frustrated about it and i expected to get some help with my issue like i did last night when i called and got in contact with a very nice representative who walked me through a myriad of possibilities. i didn't need some jerk treating my like i had just farted in church.
lady: i understand.
me: no you don't or assholes wouldn't be on the phones taking customer service calls. you need to take a hard look inside at your operation. goodbye.
Tragic: The Gathering
From Reuters:
Wizard needs life badly.
Mayor Tells Sorcerers to Banish Evil Spirits
NIAMEY (Reuters) - The mayor of Niger's capital has ordered "qualified" sorcerers to chase away evil spirits reported to be making terrifying appearances at night.
How do the prospective sorcerers prove that they are "Qualified"? Do they have to disclose how many hit points they have before rolling the 20-sided dice?NIAMEY (Reuters) - The mayor of Niger's capital has ordered "qualified" sorcerers to chase away evil spirits reported to be making terrifying appearances at night.
Nightlife lovers in Niamey have repeatedly complained of a woman who appears from nowhere, curses and threatens them before vanishing as if she had "evaporated." Young women in skimpy outfits have been particular targets for the evil spirits.
"Given the rumor which has been circulating for at least three weeks now of strange apparitions stalking people, notably young women, I have ordered all the elderly chiefs of Niamey to resort to the traditional sacrifices, with qualified people, to stop this curse," Niamey Mayor Jules Oguet said Monday.
Animist beliefs and witchcraft are widespread in West Africa and sorcerers often have a big influence on their communities.
"People should be reassured: if there are any evil spirits, they will be dealt with," the mayor told radio station R & M.
Some local marabouts -- Muslim religious leaders who are often credited with magical powers -- have dismissed the apparitions as conmen trying to extort money from frightened people, but Oguet was taking no chances.
"Given the rumor which has been circulating for at least three weeks now of strange apparitions stalking people, notably young women, I have ordered all the elderly chiefs of Niamey to resort to the traditional sacrifices, with qualified people, to stop this curse," Niamey Mayor Jules Oguet said Monday.
Animist beliefs and witchcraft are widespread in West Africa and sorcerers often have a big influence on their communities.
"People should be reassured: if there are any evil spirits, they will be dealt with," the mayor told radio station R & M.
Some local marabouts -- Muslim religious leaders who are often credited with magical powers -- have dismissed the apparitions as conmen trying to extort money from frightened people, but Oguet was taking no chances.
Wizard needs life badly.
When the cart's a-rockin'.....
From Reuters:
Where's Dar when you need him?
"The 24-year-old man, identified as Robert R., was bitten when he tried to calm his horse, which had become unsettled by the presence of a mare in the vicinity," a duty officer in the Baltic port of Szczecin told Reuters.
The horse went wild and began straining and bucking while pulling a farm cart through the village.
An autopsy would determine whether the direct cause of death was a severed jugular vein or damaged spine, the officer added.
Okay, Quincy. What does it matter if the guy died from a severed jugular or damaged spine? I think Colonel Mustard can rest easy on this one. The horse did it. Case closed. Next...
Man Fatally Bitten by Sexually Aroused Horse
A sexually excited stallion bit a Polish man to death when he tried to calm the beast, which had become uncontrollably aroused by a nearby mare, police said.
A sexually excited stallion bit a Polish man to death when he tried to calm the beast, which had become uncontrollably aroused by a nearby mare, police said.
Where's Dar when you need him?
"The 24-year-old man, identified as Robert R., was bitten when he tried to calm his horse, which had become unsettled by the presence of a mare in the vicinity," a duty officer in the Baltic port of Szczecin told Reuters.
The horse went wild and began straining and bucking while pulling a farm cart through the village.
An autopsy would determine whether the direct cause of death was a severed jugular vein or damaged spine, the officer added.
Okay, Quincy. What does it matter if the guy died from a severed jugular or damaged spine? I think Colonel Mustard can rest easy on this one. The horse did it. Case closed. Next...
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
my little brother's peer group
good ole' alaskan teens
Three teenagers armed with stolen shotguns, an assault rifle and duffel bags full of ammunition went on a four-hour shooting rampage Monday
the party turned violent around 6 a.m., the manager said, when neighbors heard the sounds of guns firing inside the store.
Around 6:30 a.m., the boys walked out of the store with two stolen shotguns, a .223-caliber semiautomatic rifle and several thousand rounds of ammunition, Katcheak said.
Two of the five went home, he said. The other three walked slowly through town, firing at will, according to Katcheak and other witnesses. They shot at empty buildings and occupied homes, fuel tanks and heavy equipment.
There was no way to confront the trio, he said. "There were too many rounds being fired."
"everywhere you looked there was a pile of (spent) ammunition,"
Charles Raymond Jr., 17, was charged Tuesday with two counts of attempted murder, plus burglary, weapons misconduct and criminal mischief. Charges against two 13-year-olds filed in juvenile court were not made public.
No one was injured. residents locked themselves in their homes -- some lying on the floor for an hour or more
Good times
the party turned violent around 6 a.m., the manager said, when neighbors heard the sounds of guns firing inside the store.
Around 6:30 a.m., the boys walked out of the store with two stolen shotguns, a .223-caliber semiautomatic rifle and several thousand rounds of ammunition, Katcheak said.
Two of the five went home, he said. The other three walked slowly through town, firing at will, according to Katcheak and other witnesses. They shot at empty buildings and occupied homes, fuel tanks and heavy equipment.
There was no way to confront the trio, he said. "There were too many rounds being fired."
"everywhere you looked there was a pile of (spent) ammunition,"
Charles Raymond Jr., 17, was charged Tuesday with two counts of attempted murder, plus burglary, weapons misconduct and criminal mischief. Charges against two 13-year-olds filed in juvenile court were not made public.
No one was injured. residents locked themselves in their homes -- some lying on the floor for an hour or more
You can't make this stuff up
Death before dishonor? How about a little of both.
Man Commits Suicide After Sex with Hen
Fri May 28,10:50 AM ET
LUSAKA (Reuters) - A 50-year-old Zambian man has hanged himself after his wife found him having sex with a hen, police said Friday.
The woman caught him in the act when she rushed into their house to investigate a noise.
"He attempted to kill her but she managed to escape," a police spokesman said.
The man from the town of Chongwe, about 50 km (30 miles) east of Lusaka, killed himself after being admonished by other villagers.
The hen was slaughtered after the incident.
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
from the "Best of Craigslist"
A small part of me feels sorry for this poor bastard. On the other hand, guess he should have taken her at her word.
"I said I'd wait for you, but you told me not to and to just move on..."
Either way, it's a hell of a story - if true.
I chased you for 12 years around the world, and I still can't find you - m4w - 30
"I said I'd wait for you, but you told me not to and to just move on..."
Either way, it's a hell of a story - if true.
I chased you for 12 years around the world, and I still can't find you - m4w - 30
